Well today I have chosen to not only be the most transparent BUT I have also chosen today...to let go of fear!
I'm ready to SPREAD MY WINGS AND FLY!!!
When I was about 9 months old, I fell down a flight of stairs at the babysitters house and I broke my wrist. At the time no one noticed anything wrong with me other than I had a broken wrist. So the doctors put me in a cast and sent me home.
My mother says that when I was around 1 years old she begin to notice that whenever I would get sleepy that my left eye would drift off and there would be a slight difference between my right eye and my left eye. She says that the doctors told her that it may have been caused from my accident and that because I was still fragile at the time of the fall, the muscle in the eye may have been loosened. I had my first surgery at 2 years old to try and correct it. They pulled the muscle over so that both eyes would be in alignment. Well I think that surgery only lasted for a couple of years because as my body changed, so did the muscles in my eyes. So I have spent the majority of my life having surgery after surgery to correct my eyes. BUT with changing eyesight and growing older...well you've guessed it. The last surgery I had was in 2001 and at that time I was told that there is very little muscle left in the left eye and it would only get weaker as I get older.
Interesting though, is that every time immediately following a surgery, I would have this boost of confidence. I would feel good about myself. I would feel beautiful. BUT as the years would roll by and the muscle would once again start to weaken...so would my confidence,
Due to this insecurity with myself, I have avoided direct eye contact. I have rejected speaking in front of people. I have rejected doing videos of my work. ASHAMED!!!
I have been living a disabled life!!! I have a purpose in this world. I now understand why I was born and what I was meant to do. I have been on a journey of discovery and transition. I have learned so much about myself and I have even learned to love myself...BUT...I am still crippled with this fear.
I woke up this morning and I heard GOD say to me...NO MORE!!! I have a purpose for you and you will not be able to fully do what I need you to do if you are still holding on this fear.
I AM letting the FEAR go today. You see not many people know that I have been hiding behind this fear because I exude a level of confidence. That confidence is real but it only goes as far as I allow it. I love myself but not because of how I look on the outside...it's because of ALL of the work I did to fix the inside of me!!!
I started this journey several years ago because my life was in shambles and I knew I needed to change. Prayer and surrounding myself around positive and like-minded people has been beneficial to my success.
It is my prayer, my hope, and my desire...that I am able to help others in similar situations. YOU CAN LIVE A HAPPY LIFE! YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES!
So here it is - MY VERY FIRST VIDEO. #ImFree
